our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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