dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
