someone get that fucking seahorse.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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