just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
