fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
