Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I want her autograph on my taint
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
