My Higher Power is John Stamos
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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