New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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