All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I would fuck him just for his dog
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
