is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
