Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
