I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
vagina is talking i cant
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
