you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Oh god it's open bar.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
