If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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