i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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