Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
