Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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