That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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