just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
