A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize