I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
