Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
