He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
