Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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