I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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