I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
