There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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