just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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