3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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