I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
