Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
What drink are we having for lunch?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
