im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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