i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
