tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
