He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Watching her eat just hurts me
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize