i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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