I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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