I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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