I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
