Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You need Xanax blowdarts
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
