Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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