Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
