I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
