I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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