Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?

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(972): View more from Texas

And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.

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(845): View more from New York

would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?

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(201): View more from New Jersey

I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me

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(678): View more from Georgia

Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?

(1-678): View more from Georgia

630.

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(218): View more from Minnesota

Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.

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(778): View more from British Columbia

When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.

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(430): View more from Texas

Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex

(214): View more from Texas

Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me

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