If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
