i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
