Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
