My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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