Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
