i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
