i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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