sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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