Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize