i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
