some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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