I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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