woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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