I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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