I hate your face
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
