i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
