i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
