Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
