I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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