you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
