She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
