Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
