I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
