I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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