don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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