Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
