and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
