hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
