If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
