i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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