garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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