one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
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