went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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