Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
