no, he came in my armpit
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
