I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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