she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize