dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
