it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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